Previously, we looked into what would become of some of our most beloved superheroes if they were to hang up their capes and instead opt for a safer, normal job. Whilst the super powered heroes may get a bit bloody and bruised during their scuffles, it is ultimately the villains who come off worse; usually coming away with broken bones and a stint in prison. It’s not surprising that some villains may consider returning to a normal life, so we’ve decided to help them realise their potential.
Doctor Octopus
There are plenty of benefits to having 4 extra robotic arms welded to your body: Carrying shopping bags, washing the dishes and table tennis become infinitely easier.
Crime doesn’t pay as this doctor has found out through his constant failed schemes and once a fresh CV has been prepared, he can shed his evil nature and become a fantastic shelf stacker. They say many hands make light work, so imagine how quickly Doc Ock could stock a shelf.
Rhino
The Rhino has a very realistic costume which makes him look almost identical to an actual Rhinoceros. With many species of Rhinoceros currently being close to extinction, it is nearly impossible for a zoo to get hold of any.
So instead of trying to get hold of an actual Rhinoceros, why not Rent-a-Rhino – a currently unexplored market niche. It would certainly see The Rhino treated better than his current career as a punching bag for Spiderman and Hulk.
Mr Freeze
Mr Freeze is a cold blooded killer who spent his time in Gotham fighting Batman whilst trying to find a cure for his wife.
Sometimes though, the cold hearted villain just needs to chill out. Freeze rays are not cheap and he’ll need a steady income when his wife is better. Mr Freeze would make a great name for an ice cream man who not only delivers frozen treats, but also smiles – is there a better reward?
Failing that, Mr Freeze could always go into a career in paleontology as he is familiar with how the dinosaurs died out.
The Riddler
Trying to defeat Batman with riddles is pretty futile seeing as he is the worlds greatest detective.
Eventually, the Enigma that is Edward Nigma will decide he’s taken enough beatings and he’s ready to move on in his life. So, riddle me this, would a career in social media suit The Riddler? Keeping the audience engaged and amassing a larger following could be achieved by posting a daily riddle. As an added bonus, he gets to keep his villainous title and can conquer LinkedIn instead of Gotham.
Loki
Loki has had a hard life living in his brother Thor’s shadow, and the god of mischief seems to be constantly punished for doing what mischievous gods do best. Taking his goal of conquering Earth into consideration, maybe it’s time for the Asgardian to climb down from his ivory tower and come down to Earth to rise to power by becoming a politician.
Let’s face it, Loki would thrive in a political atmosphere; he’s the silver tongued devil who could convince people Captain America wasn’t a patriot. If Kim Kardashian can conquer the internet, then Loki can conquer the world.
Galactus
Otherwise known as the devourer of worlds, Galactus has an insatiable appetite which has led the cosmic entity to devour a lot of worlds.
Throughout his travels, Galactus has tasted a festival of flavours. If he gets tired of committing intergalactic genocide anytime soon, a galactic food critic would be a fantastic new career that could give Gordon Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares a run for it’s money.
Bane
Bane is the only person to have broken the bat and since that proud moment, it’s only really gone downhill for him. They say you should leave your job on a high note and Bane, it’s time to quit while you’re still (kind of) ahead.
Perhaps retiring from a life of crime to a sector that requires a lot of destruction would be a smart career move. Bane could even outperform Miley Cyrus by becoming a wrecking ball.
Rumour has it that Bane once tried to retire before to compete for the title of ‘World’s Strongest Man’. Whilst unrivaled in terms of score, he was actually disqualified after testing positive for the illegal drug Venom.
The Joker
Before The Joker was the white faced, green haired villain you know and revere today, he had a career as a stand up comic. Ultimately this career failed which led him to ask Gotham – why so serious?
Whilst this career is unsuitable for someone who enjoys running a criminal record as long as a Christopher Nolan script, The Joker could utilise some of his quips and become a public speaker. Starting off by inspiring people with his tale of rehabilitation and the story of how he got those scars, a biography deal titled “The Joke’s on me” is just around the corner.
Shredder
There comes a time in everyone’s life where you’re one defeat by a quartet of anthropomorphic mutant ninja turtles away from making the life changing decision of hanging up your armour. For Shredder that time came a long time ago, but it’s not too late for him to make a drastic career change!
Whilst electronic shredders have taken away his niche of disposing sensitive documents, there is hope yet. We know he’s handy with a blade and he loves to showboat his prowess, perhaps a career as a chef in a Japanese restaurant is what he really needs. There Shredder can prepare his favourite dishes: Sushi, Noodles and Turtle Soup
Lex Luthor
What hasn’t Lex Luthor done? He’s been a successful businessman, president of the United States and led the Legion of Doom. If Superman can manage to save the world and keep his job as a journalist, then surely Lex can invest some of his fortune on becoming a media mogul. At least that way he can defeat Clark Kent with an annoying boss!